Ada sans coffee is still better than mentally challenged Kansas ravers

As is evident from my lack of posts lately, this blog has been severely neglected. Polls about The Watchmen (so is there anyone who doesn't feel like it could've been 30 mins less? At least?) and a list of films I most recently viewed in... say... February?

This is a bit of pre-coffee dribble that I typed out when I recently went on another half-hearted tirade about how most of the general public can't post a proper movie review. Granted I set a less than stellar example with this garbled blurb about The Martyrs, if I had any shame at all I wouldn't be posting it here:

Friday May 08, 2009 - 10:28 AM

you know, I try to ignore it... but nothing irks me more than lame movie reviews!

seriously, either write a decent review or just give it a star rating and say nothing already, these kids make me want to hunt them down in their little Kansas homes and smack em over the head! Possibly with an empty film canister

maybe others can be like sheep, go read reviews that say "it's good" or "dont see it, it's boring" and just take strangers' word blindly, but not me, if you don't give me any insight or explanation then you are null and non-existent to me. it's ok if you just give a star rating, I like how that averages up so I can see at one glance what the consensus is, but to have to scroll down a series of "good" "meh" "horrible" I have so many better things to do with my time... like colour my pen cap with a sharpie!

anyway, this is the review for Martyrs (which I saw back in September at TIFF 2008) that I tossed onto the thread for good measure. It was written before my coffee had filtered into my system but sadly it's still better than most of the reviews on this site.

cheers

MARTYRS




The problem with Martyrs isn't the gore... I think if you sign on to watch this movie, you're either really into gruesome, disturbing, sickening imagery and messed up stories... or you're really dense for not having read the back of the DVD box first

When it comes to disgusting, Martyrs wins hands down, it's gratutious, it's in-your-face, and completely excessive.

My issue with Martyrs is the arch of the climax... it builds and builds with one torture scene after another... to reveal a mediocre motive and a last 15 mins that plateaus in terms of psychological disturbance... and you just sit there thinking "ok get on with it already" By the time it ends you feel things have been taken down a notch... it's dissapointing! I'm squirming in my seat for an hour and 15 mins, I expect to be screaming and pulling out my hair and covering my eyes by the end... but no, I'm just thinking where to go for food after the movie

I like gore, but I think the best horrors are still the ones that show less but fucks with your mind most. Of you can go the cheesey route and pour on the gore while the audience cringes and laughs. If you want a good serious horror though, the trick is to marry the gore and the suspense and psychological manipulation, but Martyrs really falls short in that respect.

For just a smidge less gore but twice as disturbing, I'd definitely recommend À l'intérieur (inside) instead.